Essays are Due, Therefore a New Post is Born

I'm doing it again...
listing the pros and cons obsessively.

• Can I tolerate living AT home?

• Am I too much of a pussy to move out?

I decided to weigh up the pros and cons of living in the family home, in this illustrated special (you lucky ducks)

Pro 1
Free board, rent, meals (awesome Jew food I might add)

Con 2
Your mum yells at you to take every job she sees advertised (check out chick, delivery boy, topless waitressing, scientific medicinal research participant etc), because she thinks that having two jobs + being a full time student isn't enough work already and you watch too much tv, have too much of a social life, have too much fun in general.

Pro 2
The only room that is ever reeking and unsafe is your own because your mum keeps a mean , clean house.

Con 2
When you get home your mum says
"Oh I didn't know you were coming home now, (Guilt tripping tone) thats ok I'll just work in the other room (in the snow on the rusty nails with the man eating tigers)."

When you go out your mum says in a whiny voice
"I never see you anymore. Where do you go? (as if you're leading some kind of mysterious double existence and you weren't just at Alex's eating vegie nuggets and watching 'Mean Girls')

Pro 3
Your mum's boyfriend gives you money behind your mothers back

Con 3
You brother and mother (on separate occasions) have both told you that they know what you sound like in bed. Your brother laughed and your mother cried.

Pro 4
Bizarrely enough, your Jewish mother buys you a gigantic Easter egg.


Con 4
If you look tired your little brother tells your mum that youre addicted to drugs. Your mum cries some more and then tells you how worried she is, and in order to keep you safe she wont give you any money ever again (so as not to fund your drug habit).

Pro 5
You come home after a weekend of drugs and the hangover makes you chilled and mellow. Your mum tells you how much you've improved since you have stopped "putting those horrible chemicals into your body".

Con 6
Your mum finds out all of your male friend's surnames and recites them after your first name over and over. Sometimes your brother chimes in.

Pro 7
Your mum tolerates the week when you scream bitterly at everyone, cry for no reason and eat an entire block of cooking chocolate.

Con 7
Your brother gets up really early for no reason and stomps up and down the hallway. And at the dinner table he makes these really annoying clicking sounds in your ear. Then sometimes he gets into these rants about music downloading programs and keeps talking even when you leave the room.

Pro 8
You can pretend to forget washing in the machine and your mum ends up hanging it out for you anyway.

Con 9
Your mum makes you watch "The Al Johnson Story". For those of you who don't know what it is then consider yourselves lucky.

Pro 10
There's this really cool new cordless phone that says the name of the caller in a funny mechanical voice. (But Mum made me delete "fuckface" from the contacts)

Con 10
If I had my own place then I could put a whole lot more crazy crap on the walls.










Thats about all for now, what do you guys think? Should I stay home or get the fuck out?