Parallel or Paranoid?

One Day Svetlana and Alex were having a breakfast/lunch/snack session on their favourite street Sydney Rd. (Note: This rd isn't actually in Sydney, if it was it would probably be alot cooler, but its not. Also Sydney Rd is really only their fave place because its close)
Anyways, they were conversing and whatever when Al's buddies Jess and Gina came over and sat with them. As Alex politely chatted and laughed with the new arrivals Svet stared blankly and many wouldve mistaken her glare for something drug related or brain related or both actually, but inside her head were ACTUAL thoughts. These thoughts went something like this...

Why did i order this wierd thing? I wasn't even hungry, stupid cute waiter. Is he even cute? I don't think so, hes charming...I always get those two confused. Alex thinks hes foxy, she has scary taste anyway. I hope he doesn't come back and ask me if I liked it. Hmmm maybe im being rude not saying anything here, naa I'm lazy, silence probably makes me look aloof and cool. Svet thats the biggest load of shit youve come up with in at least 20 minutes! Hey I like that girls' top, should tell her. Might look wierd now that I haven't said anything in so long. Hey she actually kinda looks like me, and Jess looks like Alex! OH MY GOD its like some freaky mirror! I have to take photos right now (gets phone out and starts aiming at Jess and Gina). Oh fuck they do think Im wierd now, uh oh oh explain yourself Svet.....!
These are the photos that were taken, you be the judge. It's like 'choose your own adventure' books but alot less interesting.





WOW!
Ok, so the glasses were to enhance the experience










Am I in 'same land'?



Parallel or paranoid?

Anyways in other news,
The results from last weeks bonus question clearly show that small dogs on yr undies are lame, and so am I.
So here's another






BONUS QUESTION OF THE
DAY/WEEK/WHATEVER!
Is it acceptable to buy tacky underwear (complete with a diamante studded heart) if you find the slogan "loved up" hilarious? Of course most people would'nt have any idea that "loved up" means drug fucked on ecstasy, they would just think that you were a skanky lame-o.
So yeah what the fuck was the question again?
All that stuff I just said...
Am I a skanky lame-o?

Bowie is MY Santa

Well my little kiddies I’m back and wow it feels nice to be safe and warm in blog world again. I have discovered that I am also able to squeeze comments out of most of my readership just by not posting anything for ages so they get really fed up and complain, that’s been happening a lot.
But I would like to take this opportunity to give a ‘shout out’ to all those sneaky snoopers who never ever comment. I can think of a few of you off the top of my head… ( which means that there’s plenty more because most things stay buried in my unconscious rather than anywhere useful and retrievable you know?).

Well anyways, this entry is mostly devoted to Bowie (pictured here as Santa) for his amazingly selfless efforts in the art of the Svetlana recovery process.

When I was sickly with tonsillitis, Bowie visited me and brought a sack (not that kind you dirty freaks) of gifts to aid my healing. Much of this was lion related paraphernalia (tapping into my big cat toy fetish from my childhood) also my fave drinks like mocha, g & t (for when I got better ONLY) and cookies and puzzles and those awesome stained glass window making kits! It was like Christmas again, cept not my shithouse-no-pressie-christmas but a real present happy happy Christmas! So thanks Bowie, even though you went to an emo gig, my respect still stands tall for you.

And for the rest of you guys…you get nothing cos you all suck. Na ok, here’s some crap for you…

The cure for nudity is not darkness (as the cure for darkness is actually light) the lesson I learned? Don’t walk around your house naked at night thinking a dark corridor is a substitute for clothing.

Tonsillitis can be self inflicted! Just see how far you can push yourself by taking drugs three times in one week, working opening shifts in a bakery and double booking yourself as much as possible.

“It’s never too late to go back in time,” I said to Alex the other day as we looked down at our half eaten meal. We really should’ve done the time warp an uneaten the whole thing. It was a weird hippy salad that tasted more like potpourri, chili and pickled grasses than actual food. I mean it had lotus in it for fucks sake! FLOWERS ARE NOT FOOD.

Sexual Harrassment is the new black:Asking a check out chick-BOY if he’s “open” can be grossly misinterpreted.

The cure for 43degree heat waves is not pouring water over yourself on a leather couch; it ends up more uncomfortable than beforehand.

BONUS MANIC QUESTION OF THE DAY/WEEK/MONTH!
Is it lame or unlame to buy underwear that reads “My dog can beat up Paris’ dog” with a picture of a Chihuahua in a pink bomber jacket?

I eagerly await your answers (like an illness) and good day to all of you.

Back to normal

Well New Years is over and Earthcore is well and truly over although the nightmarish flashbacks still continue (just ask Seb). Now its time to settle back into normal life with my usual, average, non-special rambling blog entries. Although some of you losers just don’t know when to quit with the quotes thing, by this I mean you start dishing out all the really funny stuff AFTER I’ve published my quote special. So now I will have to subtly (and you all no subtlety is my specialty) sneak them in somewhere later. But even more annoyingly are those people all high with quote-fever, for example:

PERSON X: “Oh oh Svet! Did you hear me say that just then? That was sooo funny Svet, that’s totally quote material. Did you hear it Svet did ya did ya? Do you want me to say it again slowly so you can get it all down? Oh man that was gold!”

ME: “Person X, you ordered an orange juice and some wedges, I’m not writing that down”.

So now that I’m done paying people out, here’s a picture of me and a goat…

I hope you enjoyed that.

Now to bitch about work…This is the closest I’ve come to working full time (unless you count work experience in highschool,but I spent most of my time blushing and giggling at the tattooed guitar freaks at Billy Hydes or eating choc tops at Village Cinema). Work at the moment is Brumby’s, the open shift four days a week. Its killing my soul getting up at 6:30am everyday and remaining “perky” for 6.5 hrs while little kids scream and climb all over the counter and old women bargain over 80cents worth of bread with me. Ive been working at Brumby’s so much that its all I can think about and it’s even finding it’s way into my dreams, example:

As Courtney Taylor-Taylor slid his hand up Svetlana’s thigh he whispered huskily in her ear, “Oh Svetlana I’m so excited about you managing the band from now on, does it show?” His tight, dirty jeans suddenly felt a whole lot tighter as Svetlana pressed her warm lips against his stubbled cheek. He moaned, his head tilting back in ecstasy, and as he moved his long fingers around the curves of her body he pleaded over and over again,
“Can you please slice that Vienna toast slice for me? And don’t put it in a plastic bag please, I want paper. Oh and I only have a 50, do you have change?”

Yeah that’s right, all my dreams end in some bitchy customer, much like all my shifts at work. To be fair though, the staff are extremely nice and treat my really well in comparison to all of the jobs I’ve ever had. Like they let you make coffee for free whenever, which means that I have nervous caffeine twitches all day, and one customer said to my boss “Oh it’s so big of you to branch out and hire “special” people in your shop, keep up the good work.”

Well I’m done for now, to wind things up I’ll say that with Nutella, toast is a waste of time, go straight to a spoon and Alex says that “The best way to find out what something is, is to drink it.” Oh fuck they were supposed to be anonymous right? Ok ok, heres some more “anon” gold…

“You put on a balaclava, then go rob a service station. Then with the money you get from there you go and buy more balaclavas, and you have a whole army of balaclavas”

"Sex with children is awesome, but it's not cool to make jokes about it."

“And if I run out of pads I just tape a cup to myself!”

“Its ok, we’ll just come up with some lies to cover up the lies about the other lies.”

OK bye now, i'll leave you with my memories of New Years Day at The Espy, that being none at all.