Mum's fridge part 4

Ah a fridge escaping, what a great idea Sumera! Thanks for the inspiration. I think I'm going through a home-wares kind of phase, how unhealthy.
In other news: I have set up a thing at imagestation.com so readers of this blog and everyone else can see photos of my friends and I doing really average, boring things that we actually think are hilariously entertaining. http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2097417913

Have a happy and safe New Years everyone!

Mum's Fridge Part 3

TOASTIE'S MAD DASH

I hate Jesus

I hate Jesus, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have gotten stuck in crawling speed traffic in the CBD yesterday. If I could do, I'd kill him again myself. Although that would just cause more stupid celebratory, commercialised holidays and even more and more traffic.

Also, I hate sexed-up Santa paraphernalia, like this creepy girl here. She's got "Santa's" written on her bum, I guess she's a child sex slave in his toy workshop or something. It looks as if she's not allowed food but instead been snacking on the wood chips that would've been falling on the shop floor. It must be really hot in there, what with all the no-clothes she's wearing. Oh well, I should lighten up and buy something I guess. I'm Jewish but that won't stop me from strapping bells to my feet and stuffing my face with a combination of fruit cake and turkey while yelling silent night out my window at 4am this Christmas.

Tis the season.

The Art of Attraction

Last night, I went out to a bar on Brunnie st and got slightly high and slightly silly with my lovely friend Chox. By slightly silly I mean, really, really silly. For instance, security wouldn't let us take our drinks upstairs so we pretended to pour them into our handbags and drink out of them with straws. We also got ourselves into rather unflattering fits of hyena-like laughter and exaggerated gestures. Obviously we weren't out to impress the boys, or anyone for that matter. So it was all very surprising when our loud, stupid conversations were continuously interrupted by guys trying to pick us up. It was uncanny as guy after guy muscled his way in and pulled out the one-liners. I wondered, could it have been my unwashed hair? My lack of make up? Or perhaps my oh-so revealing neck-high tee shirt?

No, actually we'd stumbled into a pick up workshop where newly "charismatic" students were trying out their lines on anything that moved. Or in our case, dancing with arms flailing wildly. I busted their game fairly early on when a big, obnoxious guy sat down way too close to me and said, "I'm kind of a big deal around here". Without a hint of a smile from him it didn't appear that this man was joking. If he was indeed being funny then it didn't come across, so I had no choice but to assume he was a Class A dickhead. A few seconds later I realised why that awful line he used sounded so familiar...it was taken from a book called 'The Game' written by "pick up artist" Neill Strauss. And yes I read it, well most of it because by about three quarters through I couldn't take anymore of it's bullshit. I couldn't help but take a glimpse of the sorts of ways men where trying to get our attention, unfortunately the book seemed more like a guy boasting about threesomes than really communicating with and understanding women.

It became quite entertaining as guys came up to us like excited children wanting us to watch them show off their new tricks. It was fun to flattered but perhaps even more fun to catch them at their own "game" so to speak by seeing through their cheesy, scripted conversations. One guy was throwing out every "opener" he knew before we even had time to answer the stupid questions, which sounded like "Hey whats a good pick up line?" and "You have a twinkle in your eye are you a naughty kind of girl?" etc. But it wouldn't have mattered if we had started speaking in tongues because the guy wasn't listening to anything we were saying anyway. He was too caught up in reciting every last clice he had ever learned and preventing us from moving away. Fortunately Chox lost her balance during his verbal assault and fell down a step she was standing near. This allowed us an excuse the get away and talk to each other instead of listening to Scripted-psycho.

As the night moved on we had started talking some really genuine, sweet guys who weren't like circus animals. I can't remember Chox's friend but mine was a slim, spiky haired guy called Dan. I had only just begun my complaining about the loser one-liners when the guy I was talking to told me that those boys were his students. Hmmm awkward. I then proceeded to rant about how I thought the concept of pick up classes was lame, and that tricking women through magic tricks ala Mystery was nothing short of pathetic. However Dan was quick to distance himself from the Mystery school of thought, and emphasized that his workshops were really about social skills and confidence, and that while he was a friend of Mystery he considered him to be kind of nuts.

I was on my guard for most of the night as I scrutinized Dan's every move and teased him about the stupid pick-up artist jargon I had read about in The Game, but in the end found myself relaxed and happy in his presence. He told me that the programs goal in the end was really just to make women smile, as I took this in I tried to smother the grin across my face just to prove him wrong. So I suppose even though his students were mostly retards at the present, he seemed pretty damn awesome. I guess I got charmed, no fair.

However the highlight of our night was from a completely unrelated young man. We found him muttering in a cubicle in the womens' toilets. We peered around the open cubicle door wondering why the "girl" in there sounded like a guy. "What I like about the Ladies' room is that it's a ladies room" said Chox cockily. The guy stared at us with puppy eyes, ones with inflated pupils and the started to hurriedly explain himself in half gibberish half english. "Oh, na..man! No d'ya know what? no! I'm in ere right, cos in the Men's right? In the Men's? Was like, a massive shit on the floor! Like right in da middle of the fuckin floor man! Like, some dude shit on da floor! And I was like, fuck dis! Ya know? Ya know?"

Chox and I stared in horror and then decided that if there was shit on the floor in the Men's then he was more than welcome to stay here. He was very grateful, so grateful in fact that he began offering lines of ice and smokes and chewy to every girl in the room while frantically twitching and trying engage in several conversations with himself at once, all yelling loudly. He was thoroughly entertaining, maybe he should run a workshop.

Here's some really bad pick up lines I thought you might enjoy courtesy of http://www.pickuphelp.com/,
Let me make you dinner tonight, I'm serving tube steak smothered in underwear.
You come on strong like a garlic milkshake.
Wow those are great legs. What time do they open?
If you were a Oreo baby, you'd be double stuffed!

EARTHCORE 2006!

Friday morning a group of unsure, dorky losers prepared to take on the journey which would in turn, make them into super cool party animals! Here is photographic proof of how uncool Chox and I were at the morning of our roadtrip...


















So the roadtrip without air conditioning and lots of poor quality mix tapes began!

When we got there several hours later it was in the high 30's and lacking in shade, however there was still fun to be had. See below Chox "helping"


















Before all the strobing lights, crazy hats and psy-trance there was some genuine, old-school camping vibes. It was amazing how after just a few minutes at our camping site breathing in the dirt and unloading the car that the relaxation vibes sank in. You could almost see the stress of uni, work and long car trips melt off peoples faces. We swam in the river and assembled a tent, ate food from our eskys and shared bug spray. Everyone was so chilled out and I don't think there was any Valium going around at this stage either.

The first task I decided, after watching everybody else assemble the tents in the scorching heat, was to sample the Earthcore food delicacies. After all, I claimed that I would never ever eat anything on acid again, not after that burrito growled at me last year. It made sense to stuff our faces before getting off our faces.

The veggie burger: The pink sign read "put your mouth around the biggest and the best" Oh yeeeah we did.




































The next thing that had to be done straight was swimming in the river! It was muddy, it was cold, it had sharp, hidden logs that could take your virginity...
The best river game? Pretending the knee deep water is extremely deep by walking like a crab through it and yelling "Wow it's really deep here! Somebody should dive in!"
Note to Chox: Daring yourself to skinny dip is not the same as having someone else dare you.

Does taking this photo in black and white add any class to Chox's nudity? We don't think so.



Chris Cane and Sophie looking cool by the banks of the Goulburn trying to ignore the naked people.


























Anyway eventually the sun went down and Chox had to get dressed. You can see here just how dusty it was. The whole weekend's photos were speckled in dust marks...

I couldn't figure out why so many people were taking photos of all of us as we roamed through the crowd. Then I turned around and actually took a good look at the people I was with... A man in a shiny pirate-style masquerade mask, another in an elf hat and ninja mask, a boy with hair like an anime character and a plush animal around his neck, two boys with glittery makeup and a troop of girls in bizarre animal ears.






The best night game to play? A girl introduced this to us by doing it to Seb...
She thought that he looked really smashed (he was completely straight) and said to him
"Do you know where it is?
Seb replied sober as anything, "I'm sorry could you please explain?" At this point the girl realised her game was ruined. However if you go up to someone who actually is wasted on drugs its funny to ask them something like this, "Do you know where it is?"
They ask "what" then you say "You know, IT. Do you know where it is?" This can send their fried little mind into spirals!

Eventually the sun rose again and we resorted to more heat-induced delirium. Like drawing crayon on our faces, but then again that could've been the large amounts of GHB.

"I don't think it worked for me" claimed the ever skeptical Chox shortly before she had people licking melted marshmallow of her stomach and then proceeding to root a very lucky friend of ours in a nearby tent. No Choxy, I guess yours just didn't work.

Best daytime game? Lathering up a willing/high participant in Vaseline and then setting them onto innocent bystanders for hugs. Sorry about that Lindsay.
See here Chris and Stu testing the aura velocity of our campsite. The results? Very good! Also me eating bug spray and Chox doing something to me from behind.











As the sun began to set for the second time people switched to class As and more clothes.
And then proceeded to take clothes off again and lick each other.









Some found magic orbs, or at least thought that they did.






And then Chox got higher than, well... a very high thing on a ladder with stilts. I don't think she blinked for about half an hour.














But it was ok because we left her in a tent with some guy who she kept yelling at to bring her bugs.
Sophie was there too but not exactly "there" if you catch my drift.
Sophie's Choice (to believe or to not believe?)
A weird guy came up to Sophie and claimed that her knew her but she didn't recognise him. She thinks that this might have been because he was a hallucination. However I heard that Chox came over to Sophie as this was happening and began to poke the guy in the side thus proving that he was in fact real. The jury is still out as to whether Chox was actually there or not. Sophie believes Chox could've been another hallucination and Chox doesn't remember, but that's not surprising. See above: Chox sniffing for bugs while Sumera acts like she's not afraid.
And below you can see Sophie and an artistic interpretation of what she might be seeing.










By the time the sun came up on Sunday morning I felt like I had been trampled by a herd of camels and was hobbling around with a pink blanket over my shoulders and a jaw that was gnawing like it was about to go out of style. (For a glimpse of the final sunrise dance at the main stage, see the video in the post below.) Just as I was about to slump off to die, a guy tapped me on the shoulder. It was the same guy who I'd met last year at the same stage, roughly at about the same time too I think. His name was Benjamen (sorry if I spelled that wrong) and he was even in my last Earthcore entry (the last photograph) because I thought he was so cool. He was perhaps a little creeped out when I told him that I'd published him on the internet but I gave him the address so he can comment angrily if so:)
Here's another photo of him published without permission, just for old times sakes...








That pretty much covers everything I remember and some of what I don't. David made fun of quadriplegic ravers and Chris Vic projectile vomited while dancing and laughing. I fell over a tent peg on film (video not available) and also ate the best damn snowcone I've ever had, grape and bubblegum flavoured! To all you non-earthcore goers, I hope you enjoyed the trip without leaving your monitors. To all you peeps who were there, feel free to tell me what I've lied about, glossed over or plagiarised. Peace out and hippy dirt, Svetlana.

A video stolen from Stu to tide you over until the real earthcore post is done

More crazy scenes from the Main Stage EC2006. You wished you were there! Yo mama!