"Of course shopping's better than sex" claimed the ditsy Sportsgirl advertising campaign of yester-season. It was controversial, and with good reason. I thought it was embarrassing to my gender, but more embarrassing for people who shopped at Sportsgirl (which is plenty embarrassing enough really). However after an explosive round of shopping yesterday (not at Sportsgirl) I am actually beginning to wonder about that annoying little tag line. Plus i had sex-hair. Explain that?
From midday to nightfall I had... shopping.
First with one shopper partner, then he retired and another took over.
It was good, it was really good.
I skipped all around town...
Flirting with the offers of limited edition Allstars, latest Elle and CK underwear, 50's skirts and printed tees, even guys stuff.
I engaged in the superficial interaction with varying breeds of retail lackies...
Bitchy snoot faces who wont put anything on hold for you for 5 minutes,
Then enthusiastic, slobbering puppies who are your biggest fans just for walking in the door.
Neither of these types I really go for, I just end up feeling cheap and dirty.
You really have to make your own fun, the assistants (despite their name) wont give it to you. But the climax, the climax came in strong... in the discovery that I could look fabulous in emerald (previously unknown), and actually the climaxes kept on coming... when the perfect summer skirt decided to sit perfectly on my hips, not a smidge lower or higher.
And then when Shopping Partner number 2 assisted me in obtaining the 'buy 2, save 20%' lingerie special at Myer. It didn't mean that you also had to share the same changeroom but we didn't know that. And for the record, it is probably not a good idea for both of you getting down to your nothings in a room decked out 360 degrees in mirrors. No offence Shopping Partner 2, youre sexy-as, it was just hard to know where to look.
So when the glass doors started shutting and security started getting narky, and Shopping P.2 started not talking to me for putting tester lipgloss actually on my lips, it became clear that the end was nigh.
My knees were weak, my head was swimming and it wasn't S.P.2's alcohol-soaked chocolate sponge with extra cream. I'd shopped myself stupid and it felt FUCKING AMAZING. It's all I can think about! I didn't get any bargains, in fact I think I was consistently ripped off, and I'd do it again I tell you! If I hadn't spent all my money.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Friday, September 16, 2005
Lightening hurt me
Whats the best excuse for not updating your blog? Why,... that your house got hit by lightening, of course! This happened to me last friday night, I wasn't home cos I was out living it up to max with my hip crew, so I missed the big BANG BANG! Yeah i'm sure lightening sounds like BANG BANG cos I know stuff like that. Anyways, it shook my house up real good, the clock went flying off the wall, expensive vases smashed, and the phone blew out of the wall and also took a trip across the room. Of course this all happened the weekend mum decided to go away to Lorne. But lightening damage isn't really high on the ME-DESTROY-HOUSE scale as I've mentioned in past entries. In fact, I smashed a coffee plunger just yesterday.Woo! So mum didn't even seem entirely surprised when she heard the electrifying news. (sorry that was lame)
Now I like stuff like lightening strikes, cos theyre uber exciting and intruigingly unnecessary, much like speaking German when you really dont need to. Lightening is big and dramatic which means I'm allowed to go cray-Z (like Jay-Z) with font, which is something I never do. Unfortunately my Dad doesn't share my joy of exciting things, so when he stopped by my place and found it all smashed up he got all freaked and crazy. (A refreshing change from his normal angry and tense mode) He called me immediately when he saw the damage and did what he does best, blame and yell. This was not taken so well by yours truly on the other line. I was groggy and drug fucked and really mad that my phone had woken me at this obscene hour, which turned out to be 3:30pm.
I was glad when "mad-dad" had hung up and I could resume sleeping in my friend's bed, even though he'd left home a good three hours earlier.
So to get back to my 'delayed blog update' story, permanent damage had occurred to several appliances...NO heating, No phone, and No computer. I was especially sad that my 2000 word cinema essay had also been lost. I mean stuff like that just isn't fair. Bad things always happen to hard workers like myself.I started that baby the day after it was due and had written a good 600 words of it, no justice in this big cold world. Yeah thats a good note to end on, cruel cruel nature and all those dirty hippies encouraging it. I hate hippies, and old people, and small animals and definately vegans. I ate vegan food by mistake today, so I spat it out and gargled metho and got the waiter in a headlock on the floor. (Alex will tell you thats a lie, but what does she know?... just cos she was there)
Wait! I found a better note to end on... a quote from a Cottee's cordial bottle...
"We make everyday drinking fun!" hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ahem. now excuse me I have to go tie a hippy to a tall tree and wait for more lightening.
Now I like stuff like lightening strikes, cos theyre uber exciting and intruigingly unnecessary, much like speaking German when you really dont need to. Lightening is big and dramatic which means I'm allowed to go cray-Z (like Jay-Z) with font, which is something I never do. Unfortunately my Dad doesn't share my joy of exciting things, so when he stopped by my place and found it all smashed up he got all freaked and crazy. (A refreshing change from his normal angry and tense mode) He called me immediately when he saw the damage and did what he does best, blame and yell. This was not taken so well by yours truly on the other line. I was groggy and drug fucked and really mad that my phone had woken me at this obscene hour, which turned out to be 3:30pm.
I was glad when "mad-dad" had hung up and I could resume sleeping in my friend's bed, even though he'd left home a good three hours earlier.
So to get back to my 'delayed blog update' story, permanent damage had occurred to several appliances...NO heating, No phone, and No computer. I was especially sad that my 2000 word cinema essay had also been lost. I mean stuff like that just isn't fair. Bad things always happen to hard workers like myself.I started that baby the day after it was due and had written a good 600 words of it, no justice in this big cold world. Yeah thats a good note to end on, cruel cruel nature and all those dirty hippies encouraging it. I hate hippies, and old people, and small animals and definately vegans. I ate vegan food by mistake today, so I spat it out and gargled metho and got the waiter in a headlock on the floor. (Alex will tell you thats a lie, but what does she know?... just cos she was there)
Wait! I found a better note to end on... a quote from a Cottee's cordial bottle...
"We make everyday drinking fun!" hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ahem. now excuse me I have to go tie a hippy to a tall tree and wait for more lightening.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Words of Wisdom
Manic Lovely brings you the most curious quotes/wisdom that she's heard lately. Permission was not obtained and real names WILL be used, cos...well just for kicks I guess. Enjoy puppies!
From the fat middle-aged man in my english class with a shiny, red scalp. (I get bored and I fixate on it so I can provide MUCH MUCH more info if you like)...
"Yeah, movies are often harder to understand than books. I mean, sometimes I'm like watching CSI and I'm like, this is just too intelligent for me"
And now from my bud Alex, when she got flustered as I butted into her story and said stuff...
"It was strictly a bacon analogy! Don't make it something it wasn't."
And do you know what 'Chillax' is? I know what you're thinking...like is it over the counter or what? But you junkies can go shove it cos according to Erin it's 'Chill' and 'relax' rolled into one. Is she dyslexic? Does she have a speech problem? Is she going to freak when she finds out I'm publishing this on the net? No one knows.
I don't know if it counts as a quote if you say it when nobody was around and the cat doesn't speak english. Ok I was talking to myself. Whatever. "If you're stupid enough to buy watermelon flavoured yoghurt, then you deserve the consequences!"Thankyooou Yoplait, you sick bastards.
Sebastian, can you tell us what the hell 'rectumfy' means? Yes, it is when you rectify a situation by pulling a solution out of your arse. It's mondo gross in action I can tell you.
And my sweet sweet Shane, you don't have this blog address and that empowers me! Anyway, here's your quote, cheekbone god....
"I'm one of those people who thinks that June and July are the same month"
And here's an awesome one mum came out with, it was the beginning of her anecdote which she decided would be great to announce as we were sitting down to dinner at a family friend's place...
"Leon (thats my little bro) wouldn't stop complaining that his fingers smelled of fish....(yeah then she actually paused for AGES, as i choked on my food)...when he had to hold a vacum-sealed packet of smoked salmon!"
Thats all for now cos I know that Seb gets bored when theres too many words, pesky words! For the personal details of any of the people you've heard from just now then drop me a line.
From the fat middle-aged man in my english class with a shiny, red scalp. (I get bored and I fixate on it so I can provide MUCH MUCH more info if you like)...
"Yeah, movies are often harder to understand than books. I mean, sometimes I'm like watching CSI and I'm like, this is just too intelligent for me"
And now from my bud Alex, when she got flustered as I butted into her story and said stuff...
"It was strictly a bacon analogy! Don't make it something it wasn't."
And do you know what 'Chillax' is? I know what you're thinking...like is it over the counter or what? But you junkies can go shove it cos according to Erin it's 'Chill' and 'relax' rolled into one. Is she dyslexic? Does she have a speech problem? Is she going to freak when she finds out I'm publishing this on the net? No one knows.
I don't know if it counts as a quote if you say it when nobody was around and the cat doesn't speak english. Ok I was talking to myself. Whatever. "If you're stupid enough to buy watermelon flavoured yoghurt, then you deserve the consequences!"Thankyooou Yoplait, you sick bastards.
Sebastian, can you tell us what the hell 'rectumfy' means? Yes, it is when you rectify a situation by pulling a solution out of your arse. It's mondo gross in action I can tell you.
And my sweet sweet Shane, you don't have this blog address and that empowers me! Anyway, here's your quote, cheekbone god....
"I'm one of those people who thinks that June and July are the same month"
And here's an awesome one mum came out with, it was the beginning of her anecdote which she decided would be great to announce as we were sitting down to dinner at a family friend's place...
"Leon (thats my little bro) wouldn't stop complaining that his fingers smelled of fish....(yeah then she actually paused for AGES, as i choked on my food)...when he had to hold a vacum-sealed packet of smoked salmon!"
Thats all for now cos I know that Seb gets bored when theres too many words, pesky words! For the personal details of any of the people you've heard from just now then drop me a line.
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