Because everything went soooo well last time I did a post making fun of guy's who pick up girls badly, I've decided to do it again!Based on my own vast, and unlucky experience I have compiled a delightful how-not-to guide for picking up girls.
HOW NOT TO PICK UP GIRLS: A GUIDE FOR THE MODERN BOY
Head to the nearest night spot and start not-doing these things!
Ask a girl about her opinion on something and then interrupt her answer with another question about her opinion on something else.
Lean excessively on all things; walls, chairs, other people. You should appear so relaxed that people think you're medically sedated. Leer over the girl you're interested in as if you might fall into her lap at any moment. Actually falling into her lap can be an added bonus.
Blow smoke into a girls face and tell her to get used to it while you sit with a tough guy expression and air of disdain.
After a failed attempt to pick up a girl, head straight for her best friend.
High-five your mates loudly, visibly and frequently.
When talking to a girl, make her feel insecure by,
* "negging" her (A veiled insult ie: complementing her on her hair and then asking if it's wig)
*Talking about lots of other hot girls you know.
* Staring at other girls mid conversation
Insist that girls buy YOU drinks.
Make heaps of assumptions about a girl you know nothing about and announce them to her as if you understand her more than anyone ever has.
Walk up to a girl who is sitting down and squash up next to her, rudely invading her personal space and use the close contact to trap her into a conversation.
Perform magic tricks read girl's palms like you're some sort of traveling side show.
There you have it, my passive aggressive rant for the week.
6 comments:
haha, you are so on the money! it always amazes me when guys do that kinda stuff, cos presumably it means it has worked at some point, which is really rather mind-boggling!
gorgeous photo, very expressive of the mood of your post. :)
Well I have to say I really don't understand this concept of 'Negging' and have only heard of it through you, so my judgement is biased. I just don't see how insulting someone gets the gals all hot.
Then again I don't have a girlfriend, so maybe if I start calling people 'slags' and 'slappers' I'll start rolling in the booty.
But as an anti-svet post, come read my current blog post. Well watch the videos at the end.
Especially if you're a guy looking for a girl in that true love kind of way, and need some helpful advice from the wonderful world of Japan...
http://cheyho.blogspot.com/2007/03/alateomangeia-severe-disease-of-left.html
Yup, plugging the ol blog on another site. How shameful of me...
Stupid link was longer than it allowed, but the whole link is there somewhere... just hiding as a test for those who are worthy of recieving such sagelike advice.
[oh and it's nice to see at least someone's blogging more than once a month! If I had a thumbs up emoticon I'd be sooo using it right now...]
i met a girl that reminded me of you. somewht
which reminded me how much i mis you i got saturday off working 12 til 4 sun and have monday off what you up to ?\
bowie
Hey good to hear from you Bowie, it would be cool if we caught up. I'll contact you in a normal way some time soon. You know, like via phone?:)
Svet! Don't give this dating advice away for free! You could be making thousands of dollars teaching your incredible program to single desperados! (Hereafter "SDs".) All you need to do is set up a website to advertise your wares, buy a whiteboard and some textas (and possibly some butcher's paper for group activities), and rent the conference room at the Holiday Inn. Then all you need do is sit back and wait for the SDs (and their money) to roll in.
The more misogynist and boys clubby you're dating advice is, the better! Years of knock-backs and unrequieted love make your target audience of SDs incredibly responsive to such tactics.
See you at the next Fortune 500 photo-shoot, kid!
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