We received the CAE (Centre of Adult Education) course guide in the mail recently. I was the first to the flick through it and smell that delicious new ink smell, mail time is my favourite time of day.
My mum doesn't really like mail-time though because mostly she just gets her bills and parking tickets from me that she thinks are her own. Also Mum says our Postie is "a retard" because he always delivers mail to the wrong house. I wouldn't mind getting the neighbour's mail if mum would actually let me snoop through it. But she doesn't so I just shove it grudgingly into their concrete letter box on the concrete drive outside their concrete house which they water daily, see: the greeks.
Anyway CAE is a wonderland. I did a VCE subject there because they didn't offer philosophy at my high school. It was boring and strange being in a class full of mature age students but there was a snack machine in the hallway so I got by. Also it was the first time that I realised that not all adults were smarter than me. I got better grades than most of them, as did my good-looking and intelligent fellow student Divinetrash.
I noticed that the course guide offers pretty much anything you could possibly want to learn about and some other stuff that you could possibly do without. My personal favourite went something like this,
Nightclub Dancing
Taste the three main styles of dance- house, Latin and hip-hop. Improve your confidence and ability to dance the night away, whatever music the dj plays.
$169 for 8 sessions
In my experience its pretty easy to develop confidence on the dance floor. Just a touch of ecstasy and you're off cutting sick, going loose etc. And it doesn't necessarily take accompanying music, a friend of mine grooved away for ages to the sound of her clock ticking.
Here's another CAE gem...
Soulmates, Angels & Guides
What is the proof they exist? Meet one or more of your guides and understand their purpose in your life.
$136 1 session
Ah the heavenly sky is the limit at CAE! It's worth enrolling just to make regular appearances at Degraves St to up your street cred. I'm speaking purely as a recommendation for others here, as my street cred is sufficiently upped already. After all today I bought a $50 cap from Schwipe.
Sucker.
The End and stuff. So go up your street cred and get ripped off like all the other dj dancing, latte sipping, overpriced cap wearing cool brats.
The Greeks: The despicable neighbours on our left whom I have left many complaint letters to and which they have ignored. They indulge you see, in vast fluorescent lighting at all hours and much noise (sort of like screaming chickens). They enjoy watering their concrete, burning off rubbish and staring at people with malice (anyone who walks past) and not saying "hello".
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8 comments:
Nice blog. I like it better when you have lots of posts on the page...
David.
the CAE really does have it all- maybe after i've finished my arts degree i should enroll in nightclub dancing and angels and guides to learn some life skills. then watch out workforce, i'll be unstoppable!
xxx
Yes, the CAE is a land of vast and varying opportunities, unless, however, your teacher doesn't like you and bullies you into leaving the class, like what happened to Citizen Cane's housemate >:-(
And about greeks next door: have you ever thought of sabotaging their power supply? Like pouring water into one of their outdoor lights? For a while at our house, whenever it rained the safety switch in our fuse box went off because water was getting into the wiring of one of our outdoor lights. Hey, if you're lucky, they mightn't even have a safety switch...it wouldn't surprise me because they obviously wasted all their money on that gigantic satellite dish and all that concrete, not to mention what they must spend keeping crazy scary granny alive...they probably didn't have enough left over to spend on safety switches...or any kind of foliage.
Thats a good idea Chox, but what I really want to do is have a loud party, where i bring all the speakers outside and face them towards their fence. In fact, screw the party! Come over and help me move speakers outside...
Maybe the CAE offers a 10-step rehab program for concrete lovers. I suggest you squeeze the appropriate pamphlet into your neighbours inpenetrable letter box asap.
How about my crummy neighbours:
(1) They're called Matt and Tracy, yet sneakily are not a breakfast radio team.
(2) They had a crew of Foxtel workmen slice noisily through the footpath 3 feet from my bedroom window at 7am today, so they could have crap unnecessary pay-TV installed to brighten up their crap unnecessary lives.
(3) They suck.
I have 5 (count 'em) 5 different neighbours surrounding my house.
One lot get their gardener in at 7:30 every Wednesday morning so that he can use the leaf blower at 8am. Wednesday is my day off uni, so I never want to be woken up before 9:30.
The second lot have a dog that climbs through the fence and terrorises our cats.
The third lot have a giant pine tree in their yard that sucks up all the surrounding water.
The fourth lot ripped down our back fence without asking, then replaced it with a better one which we didn't have to pay for so we like them.
The fifth lot are old and decrepit and should just move into a nursing home already. The old guy throws his garden waste over the fence into our yard because he thinks our garden's untidy and that we won't notice. Also, he came into our yard and started pruning one of my mum's shrubs which was growing on OUR side of the fence because he didn't like it.
Conclusion: neighbours suck.
Your crazy Greek neighbours could be my crazy Greek neighbours as they do exactly the same things. Plus for some reason their house always seems to be in a state of partial renovation as they occupy their days incessantly hammering, sawing and soldering loudly next to my bedroom window...though not as loudly as their screams to each other when someone is in the front part of the house and another in the back (it's a big house too).
I mean, we've met them and they are actually lovely people - apart from their blatant flouting of water restrictions, which has lead to us being mistakenly reported to the Council on several occasions due to the fact that we are No. 13, whilst they are 13a...I'm not exactly sure why as their house is enormous and nowhere else on the street does such a half-address exist. But there's no doubting the fact that they're clearly mad. For example, today the patriarch of the family had his 10-year-old grandson up on the roof undertaking some heavy repairs. The kid not only was up there on his own, but he was operating without any sort of harness, net or rope. Oh, and it's a two storey house! As I walked past, the boy, standing completely upright with his feet straddling either side of the roof's peak was looking down on his grandfather who was yelling detailed instructions from below. The noise hasn't ceased all morning, so I can only assume that the kid has not fallen off - YET.
The only saving grace is that when Easter comes around, the odours that emanate from their BBQ are enough to send even the most hardened of vegetarians a little weak at the knees. Though this is hardly enough to redeem them for the rest of the year's antics.
M
xoxo
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