Pussy Sabotage!

Mum went away for the week, and seeing my little brother still doesn't understand the "parent-free house" concept, he adorably chose to stay at his Daddy's place and cement himself in front of the X-box. No arguments here.
So what does a hip young 20yrold such as myself do? I invited all of two friends round, we drank cask wine, ate doughnuts and fell asleep. Yeah I know what you're thinking..."I wish my life was as rich and fulfilling", well don't be too hard on yourself, some of us have it, others well ...suck ass.
I think it's vital that I mention to all those crazy kids at home to take caution in re-creating this live-fast party-hard lifestyle of mine, there can be consequences...
For example: I do reccomend that the cooking of stir-fry and heavy drinking should be exercised in the right order. That being, first cook, then drink heavily.

Before mum left she asked me... in a kind of naive, parental, and largely rhetorical way "You are going to be carefull with the house right?" and I said "Yeah, of course mum!...you have insurance right?" She was not amused, in fact she was frightnened, so very frightened. I was thinking woah, i was only kidding. lighten up crazy woman! but then I realised that she did really have reason to take my joke seriously. Everytime mum has left the house in my paws, something of the Wedgewood China variety has been smashed up. I could've broken something cooler I know, but its always the fucking china. Once I tried to be cool and take the car out when i was 15 but I couldn't lift the handbrake and it just rolled backwards down the driveway and got stuck there. I had to call a very nice friend of mine to drive it back into the drive for me. OOOh scandal.

So anyways mum eventually left and I did the big, stir-fry, cask wine friend thing. Then I kicked them out and invited a new man round last nite. It's just a rule that when you get the place to yourself you have to have sex, look it up.
It just so happened that I actually had someone to invite. This totally adorable guy covered in toned, perfect skin and cheekbones that could cut my heart open. It was so romantic how we met as well (which, was just 5 days ago), I was dancing and enjoying myself and he was smiling the sweetest smiles in my direction and then the guy i had hooked up (who was coincidently also his good friend)... left. I do love a sweet, wholesome courtship.

So anyways again, 'Cheekbones' came round to indulge in my excellent, umm...stir-fry. And this is where the cat started acting wierd, she normally hates me and treats me like a slave Feed me, let me outside and let me inside again within 30 seconds cos I changed my mind, and now piss off and let me sleep in the corner.But this night, I swear she didn't want me to get any, cos she would start howling if i kicked her out of the bedroom. She wanted to take up the whole bed and paw my sexy visitor's body, when that was what I should've been doing. The poor guy thought i was into some freaky shit with the wrong pussy. He looked at me as I was attempting to push the cat off and begged "Don't let it under the covers!"

The conclusions? He probably will report me to the RSPCA and my cat is secretly trying to sabotage my love life.