"Am I still the lead singer of our imaginary band? Cos that's all I care about."... She snapped with a tone that was too serious for the crazy crap that just came out of her mouth. And thats about the point in Alex and I's conversation where I wondered who the hell I was and what the hell I was doing and why the hell I was saying 'hell' so much, cos it's so lame.
A person should have a hobby, according to "How to Live Well and Prosper" by Professor Svetso. And one of my hobbies is making up names for imaginary bands, Alex shares this hobby and as you might have gathered, she also gets quite emotional on the topic. The great thing about making up names for imaginary bands is that you don't have to live up to the name because your band IS IMAGINARY. For eg: If I decided to name my band "Beef Face Slasher Party", I wouldn't have to worry that my songs wouldn't be hardcore and brutal enough because there are no songs! Cos it's all imaginary! Get it? Hahahahaha!
The other great thing about having an imaginary band is that you can talk about it all the time just like a real band (this is so you look cool) and then you don't have to do any of the hard stuff like practice or pay for practicing space or pay for flyers or or or actually you can just spend your money on beer or something.
Probably the best thing about having an imaginary band is that you can change the name as soon as it gets old, like in about a week when you have told everyone and they have all told you that the name sucks arse. Then you can get a new name and try all over again.
Here are some names that I found out suck...
Free Bingo (Alex says that we would never get our ideal demographic cos only a bunch of really dissapointed old people would show up to our gigs.)
Sounds Like Awesome (JMcKay couldn't express enough how much he hated this name and Alex said it was "very me" and then followed that statement with "it's pretty stupid")
Gather your loved ones was my intitial inspiration for a pop-electro outfit but then it just sounded really emo and I didn't want to soil my image (JMcKay surprisingly thought this one was ok)
But like all hobbies, they must come to an end because they're stupid. As the cat from Stuart Little 2 would say (I never watched it and laughed out loud to myself I swear)...
"Giving up is fun! And look at all the time you save!"
Speaking of orgies...
Saturday night was interesting because I thought that socialists are just always arguing and hassling people and rallying and not showering or shaving, but it turns out that they ALSO are really incestual horny little freaks. I don't think anyone had drunk as much as you should before you start acting insane-in-the-mainframe but I swear these guys went from sober chit chat to slutsville in a matter of seconds. I asked myself many questions when the people around me started getting it on...
a) Should I move away?
b)Am I a pervert for being really turned on by the hot gay guys getting with each other?
c)That lesbian is feeling me up, should I act like I don't notice?
d)I thought that guy was dating this guy so why is he getting with those other guys?
e)I thought that that lesbian had a girlfriend so why she getting with those guys?
f)Hold on, why is a lesbian getting with all those boys?
g)Hold on again! Why are all those gay boys kissing her back?
I got really confused and dizzy because i'd just eaten some powder that this guy James found under a rock in his back yard a year ago. I'd lost most of my motor co-ordination so I just stayed put on the futon with the orgy around me. By the time there was stacks-on I got literally trapped in these people, and I didn't mind so much. I especially didn't mind when this cute guy started making out with me and then this cuter guy joined in, it was all GUY everywhere I looked. Except for that one person who was a girl, but she had so many guys on top of her you couldn't really see her anymore.
After the orgy had calmed down a little and the socialists had started arguing again I dragged my awesome buddy Seb away from his friends so we could play party games. We started playing 'Spin the bottle' but there was only two of us so we decided that neither of us wanted to go there. Then we played 'Truth or dare' which went rapidly downhill after the best thing Seb could come up with was "I dare you to make out with this lemon for a whole two minutes!" It tasted rindy in case you were interested.
Ok i'm giving up on this post now because I'm like that cat in Stuart Little 2, you heard me.
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10 comments:
Hahahaha, Beef Face Slasher Party. Me likey.
Heh. Orgies after taking strange powders that have been hiding under rocks for years. That's good.
And it doesn't even matter if they weren't all there, but they were magical powder people. You are the svinginest, svankiest Svetlana it has ever been my pleasure to meet. Or read, as the case may be.
That was a damn fine post. Particularly as it had you making out with two hot gay guys, and I cropped up several times. Even though the bits that involved me were usually at my expense and I didn't get to make out with anyone (much less a hot gay guy or two...) I love that you have had to re-evaluate your position on the socialist set.
And just because I said Sounds Like Awesome was very "you" and also pretty stupid, doesn't mean you have to take offence. That's totally a compliment, man!
Keep up the A-grade posting!
hey svet that night with the socilalists sounded like an eye opening experience! i laughed out loud at the dot points (i love dot-points) that had you assessing the situation, but as usual ended with you doing nothing about it. the two hot guys sounded like fun. wish i was in melbourne to relive it with you.
That was great! I was laughing out loud before I even started reading it...
Wow. Socialists really know how to throw a party. Woo hoo. Too bad my favourite socialist can't think of a better dare than to make out with a lemon.
By the way, did you know that over here, a slang/offensive term for a lesbian is 'bendy lemon'? Think about it... Chox xxx
timt,
sush now I KNOW that I'm really the ONLY Svetlana youve ever "met" let alone the svankiest.
And Alex,
I dont really take offense to your criticism, I mean youre a member of our "band" so you have a right to opinion. And next time I'll write you in as a character who has awesome parties and orgies k?
Lucy,
Doessn't it suck that I have like socialists on so,e level now? Dammit i hate changing my stubborn views. And I promise more dot points in future, cos theyre easy for Seb and I to read.
Chox,
I just read Lucy's emails and you said this mummmy in the museum looked like seb? haha thats funny, anyway he actually looks pretty swanky now with his new red mohawk, brings out his blue eyes and cheekbones. I will keep him safe for you, in my clutches no boy or girl shall get near him mwahaha
It looks like I wrote that comment off my face but its just the morning! The first word is Shush, and the bit to Lucy says something about it sucking that I have to like socialists on another level now. How embarrassment.
Must 'fess up - I think I have met you, either at a Bingo Orgy or a drunken Karaoke night in Fitzroy. You were having a good day at the time, I recall ...
Here is a good adbot comment that I read on this guy's blog (incidentally, it was a blog about his pug, from the pug's point of view... seriously.)
Hey there........Just wanted to say you had an interesting blog here. I was actually searching for legitimate work home business opportunity so I most likely landed here by accident, but I thought it was a good read. I gotta get back to my legitimate work home business opportunity search, but I'll check this out again when I have a sec. Take care.
How phoney is that?! I love it!
Waxie, if you keep up on the powders then you can drive any bus u want, imaginary ones more likely though.
and Tim I dont remember at all, was that cos of the rohypnol you slipped me? Things get so hazy you know!
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