When I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable I like to drive everywhere. I imagine that the car is my safety shell in which I can hide from the world.
Taking the car is the equivalent to staying in bed compared to taking public transport which is like riding a Moomba float naked. In fact most of the time in my car-shell I don't even have to get dressed. A simple jumper pulled over my pjs does enough to present the illusion of a fully functional, fully dressed, non-crazy and capable young woman.
Lately I've been driving everywhere. I have a soft, jelly interior that is quivering in fear of all things outside my shell.
It's because Ye Olde put me on trial, trial separation that is. Guilty of what you ask? I am guilty of knowing my feelings while he does not. Decisiveness brings harsh penalties these days. I don't want to have a go at Ye Olde, because he is actually doing the right thing by taking some time out and not stringing me along in some half-arsed boyfriend way. But it feels nothing but wrong. BAD BAD BAD all the way to the bank, or something.
I've never had too much bother about being single, but this time I really feel like a piece of me is missing, and I'm walking around wobbly with something rattling loose somewhere.
I feel sad all the time even when I'm happy, and I hope my trial ends soon so I can either rejoice or get on with killing myself. Limbo sux, or is this parole?
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4 comments:
Darlin' I drive everywhere, and sometimes with no purpose in mind but to drive, based on the zen-like practise that it feels good to be moving, and it's a peaceful thing. I used to ride a bike when I was younger, but now that I'm lazier and have money and a car, I obviously went the lazy route.
It's both my safe place and my friend when I need it, which sounds stupid and probably is, but it makes me feel better when I'm down all the same.
But anyways, I hope your loose rattling rectifies itself soon. In the meantime I can give you directions to cool places to drive when you're feeling out of sorts.
Dean
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I'm going to stop allowing anonymous comments if people aren't polite enough to sign them off. Let this be a warning to you all.
hey, i like driving around too when i'm down or just frustrated. i like that i can just listen to music and go where and i want, and no one can seem to bother me when i'm driving.
hope you're feeling a bit better these days. i'm sure it'll all work out in the end no matter what happens.
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