Friends sure say some stooopid crap

I was going to call this post "Friends say the darndest thangs" but then I decided that what you guys say is more stupid than "darndest" and also Alex had already used that title in one of her quote specials. So it is with great pleasure on a very hot new year's eve that I bring to you a compilation of all the stupid and adorable things I've heard you crazy fuckers say lately. I have been really nice and chosen to publish quotes anonomously out of respect for their dumbarse authors, also cos I tend to get you guys mixed up and forget who said what.

"Sex with me is like pizza. Even when it's bad it's still alright."

"I'm always pretending that I don't have terrible taste (to guys I like)."

"Hello! I'm Fuck-arse the happy Christmas elf!"

" Anon- I bought new underwear but they don't fit
Svet- Didn't you try them on?
Anon-No
Svet- Well what size did you get?
Anon- I don't know
Svet- What do you mean you don't know?!
Anon- I didn't think underwear had sizes
Svet- Whaaa? Are you fucking insane?!
Anon- I thought, they're stretchy so there weren't really sizes. Like condoms, you know? You have to be either really big or really small for them not to fit."

"I was stoned once and I thought that a cat wanted to fuck me, the way she kept going past rubbing my legs and stuff."

" Svet- Are you talking about sex... or rice?
Anon- Both"

"My brain is tingling!"

"Hey! I was just offering unhelpful suggestions as always"

"- Can I fuck you in your Brumby's uniform?
- No,... why?
- That way I can get horny everytime I go and buy bread"

Well there you have it, it would be better but I have to go get dressed now. What? You think I sit around all day publishing stuff for you to read in-between checking your email?! Leave me alone!

Svet Helps Categorise You! Watch out Freud, Svet is on the ball.

Are you ready to dismiss your individualism? Are you ready to be stereotyped? Then get reading bitches, I know you better than you know yourselves!

Q.1 The best movies are the ones that involve…
A) Violence, gross stuff and some hot stuff that contributes to the plot in no way at all
B) Realism and profound meaning, with a bit of enlightenment chucked in too
C) Sappy sappiness with happy happiness and shiny things
D) You not having to pay for them

Q.2 You are in a bar and money is no object, which of the following are you most likely to order…
A) Bourbon and coke
B) Wine or imported beer
C) Some kind of Vodka/ Soda combination
D) Red bull and Vodka assuming you have run out of drugs

Q.3 Hooray its holiday time! Ideally your time off would be best spent
A) Getting drunk in Queensland
B) Exploring Europe
C) A ski resort trip with your large group of best friends
D) Finding out how many kinds of weird and unhealthy things you can do to your body without having to take a permanent holiday

Q.4 Your best friend calls you up to cancel last minute on a night you both had organized for ages because they’re “too fucked cos they had a big one out the night before”. Your first reaction is to…
A) Yessss, now you have an excuse to watch CSI, followed by CSI Miami, CSI Boston, CSI Texas, CSI San Fran, CSI Mexico and CSI Arctic
B) You tell them its ok but secretly resent them
C) You sulk and eat ice-cream
D) You bite their head off and tell them they “fuckin suck”, then you down a bottle of spirits and dance around in your underwear

Q.5 Your sexual exploits can only be described as
A) Fast and furious
B) Well thought out and personal
C) Ho hum but you always get stuff on Valentines Day so suck!
D) Diverse, random, excessive bordering on shameful

Q.6 Your're out at you fave venue, your type of music is pumpin’ and it’s definitely your scene. Which best describes your dancing?
A) You aren’t keen on dancing but if someone attractive asks you to, then you’re not going to miss an opportunity to rub up against them
B) You always look stylish on the dance floor, you are “the bomb”
C) Your dancing is appropriately flirty and you always look like you’re having the time of your life, regardless of whether you feel like topping yourself
D) You don’t dance…until you start peaking. Then one style is never enough, it has to be all of them! All at once!

Q.7 Some narcissistic little Blogger has asked you to visit their blog, what do you do?
A) Its gotten to the point where they’ve showed up at your house with their laptop and connected you to the net while watching you like a hawk. So you, a little nervous and afraid decide to have a look at their damn blog. You get bored instantly, don’t leave a comment and shoo the blogger out of your house with a broom.
B) Have a read, leave a brief comment and then ponder about starting your own blog.
C) Get online immediately and leave a loving comment, mostly a personal greeting and not really regarding the content of the post.
D) Once you’ve finished updating your OWN blog you take a peek and leave a really excited, involved comment possibly longer than the post itself.

Results! (may offend some losers)

Mostly A's = Sick Fucker
You are probably a guy and if you aren’t then you should consider a sex change. Anyways you’re essentially a bogan, with less class than Paris and Nicki put together. I can’t believe you’ve read this all the way through, shouldn’t you be yelling at a tv in a pub somewhere? You have low-brow tastes, but I guess that means you’re easy to please. Don’t stress now, there are ways to improve like maybe killing yourself and donating your beer soaked, sleazy body to science.

Mostly B's = “Good” Samaritan
By “good” I actually mean that you play it by the book but inside you’re just the same as the rest of us; bitchy and self centered. You have taste but that also makes you pretentious. What annoys me most about you guys is that you so everything so well it makes me sick. However I believe this is a result of hidden self esteem issues and constant yearning for self improvement and perfection. You work to hard trying to be awesome, take some time out .

Mostly C's = Care Bear
Yeah that’s right, rainbows come out of your arse you goddamn happy fucker. You are a sweet flittery socialite who’s so incredibly normal that I personally would never sleep with you (and this is probably a good thing). I hope something really bad happens to you.

Mostly D's = Svet!
Oh my fucking god! You ARE me, stop trying to steal my identity loser.


Well that’s enough! That took much longer than expected to write. To think I could’ve been doing something really cool (cooler than blogging? Never!) , with all that fucking time I just wasted. Well guys, I would love to hear what you ended up categorised as, so I can judge and belittle you. Tee hee hee.