Managing a hectic, full-time student, part-time work, partying lifestyle is way easy if you're me. I mean, you cant just be any retard if you are really going to balance your time effectively and do everything superbly such as I do. I have some excellent ways of saving time right from the big things like living at home without actually feeling like you're living at home to the little things like being able to brush your teeth in the shower (this ensures that your whole body stays minty fresh) or talking on the phone in the bath. I'll admit that the phone in the bath thing DID backfire last week however... As i was stepping out near the little Nokia resting on my bath towel, a few careless drops fell on him. "Oops, that ain't good", I said to myself in a kind of gangster voice that I put on sometimes in private. So I quickly picked Nokia up to pat him dry and ironically dropped the entire thing in the (full) bath tub. Then came my flurry of towel drying it and then hair-drying it and then yelling at it and pacing up and down the bathroom hissing until I got really cold and decided that I should've been wearing clothes.
I have a new phone now, and by "new phone" I really mean "old crap heap, formerly belonging to mum that is so outdated that even SHE decided to upgrade" yeah it's way-cool this new baby, at least I can locate the ENORMOUS buttons if I'm wasted. In fact I think that I could still find them if I had squirrells clawing at my eyes.
But anyway, back to ways that you can be more like me and save time...
I find that a great way to free up your work load is to fail a subject. I don't miss Anthropology much but I do enjoy having Mondays off so I can visit grandma and write songs for charity christmas albums. Speaking of writing songs! I have been oozing musical, creative little balls of wonder lately. Ok ok maybe "oozing balls" was not the best metaphor, but hey they can't all be winners.
I wrote a song for a boy and it is more ooze than genius really, but its the thought that counts. The twisted, bitter thought... that he is dating someone else and it makes me want to strangle a puppy. Here are a few gems from the song...
"You make me want to write you a song
which is scary cos I'm real bad at writing songs.
All I want to do is write cool stuff,but you...
You make me write clices and that makes me hate you"
Yeah pretty heavy stuff I know, you might want to sit back and ponder those lyrics...or you might want to move on if you arent intellectually disabled.
What I meant by "moving on" was actually dwelling on the boy I wrote the song for, I like him so much that I do really stupid things around him. It's a great instincive reaction isn't it: acting like a moron when in the vicinity of your "crush". I was so stupid that I gave him this blog address for fucks sake. "Hi J McKay" by the way, sorry if I have made you blush you sweet little emo face.
I also get really violent around people I have a thing for and they just end up flinching everytime I make conversation cos they think that I'm goin th slap them over the head, for the 12th time that day.
I even sat through a two-hour Sociology lecture for him. And this wasn't just ANY lecture, this was one where the lecturer yelled at me for sitting at the back and then progressed to talking about how important Aussie rules was and then forced us to watch an entire episode of the recent tv series "Long way to the top", which is for those fortunate enough not to be familiar with,...a show documenting the history of Australian "rock and roll" in a painfully matter-of-fact narration from some old whining bastard who was more Bowls Club than Rock.
To make it all worse, I sat behind this girl who looked like she just fell out of a bin. Why do uni chicks go to so much effort to look dirty? With the dishevelled pony tail and torn off the shoulder jumpers and skinny leg jeans that reek of beer and semen. Well I dont actually get close enough to smell them, but I'm sure that that is exactly what they would smell like.
I have had enough, I'm going to go obsessively scrub my body with Dettol now.
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5 comments:
Haha. I just get that sweet feeling that next time we speak you're going to tell me that you've updated your blog , and, as usual, I will be able to say;
"Yeah, I know." (Like the guy from Little Britain.)
I love that because it makes me feel omniscient.
Great blog entry, by the way. I know that even though the idea scares you, you're secretly hoping that J. McKay will read it. I'll be here with the kleenex if he does, or doesn't.
You're so right about the brushing your teeth in the shower thing. Except that some of us manage to keep the toothpaste in our mouths until we spit it out, meaning that our bodies don't smell minty fresh. Really, you are a grot sometimes.
Love ya.
Yeah the JMcKay idea does scare me but not as much as us talking about him will, I mean HOW CREEPY? And about the toothpaste/shower doozy...who doesn't love drooling all over themselves? If you are in the shower (which is a very clean place) you may as well be disgusting.
Better than the shower habits of a certain friend of ours, I spose!
You know what I'm talkin' 'bout.
yes, she does know what you're talking 'bout, just as do I, Pube-o-snot. The amazing super hero who save's manic lovely's love interests from feeling really awkward about being talked about on the internet by distracting them with stories about how -this one time, when i was in the shower, i was blowing my nose. As is common practice for many a super hero. When to everyone's later expressed horror and laughter, I discovered that a large slimey string of snot had lodged itself in my pubic hair.
Well that's it.
My work here is done.
Until next time...
Wow, I didn't think that story could get any worse but now I actually feel like hurling, thanks for the visuals. However your comment was appreciated despite how bitter it was.
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